Image of a sleepy basset hound
October 11, 2017

Hello My Darlings

A wee extra post today – a poem I was working on for my creative writing class. We had to write poetry or prose on a note we might leave for someone who was house-sitting for us. Just the mundane things someone might need to know while staying at my house. As always, something unrelated to my dog became completely about him. I haven’t written poetry in about 15 years, so the timing here & there is iffy. But enjoy anyway!

So here’s a poem called Hello My Darlings (An Ode To Douglas). 

Hello My Darlings (An Ode To Douglas)

Hello my darlings

We’ll be back by Monday

Our flight gets in at ten.

Thought I’d write a quick note

(You can ring me anyway)

To let you know what’s what.

The bins go out on Friday.

The heating’s on a timer

It’s set from six til eight.

Watch out for the kitchen tap,

It comes out at quite a rate.

On to the more important task,

Thanks so much for minding the dog.

I know you aren’t too keen on them –

I hope it’s not a slog.

His food is on the sideboard.

Two handfuls, twice a day.

Don’t give in to his demands,

Or he’ll find you easy prey.

No extras, no biscuits.

He’ll steal enough to get by.

Don’t trust his big, sad eyes.

It’s all an act – he’s sly.

Don’t put your cups down,

(He’s particularly fond of coffee)

Don’t put your plates down

(He’d steal the toast right off ye).

At least once a week

He eats something that he shouldn’t.

If he throws up on the carpet,

(I’m not blaming you – I wouldn’t)

There’s a spray under the sink

For just that occasion.

It can be quite toxic,

There’s often need for abrasion.

When someone comes to the door,

First lock him in the loo.

He may be a basset hound,

But there’s greyhound in there too.

When the postman calls,

Don’t let him jump,

Don’t let him bark.

He really is an awful grump.

The postman that is, not the dog.

Although I can hardly blame him.

He does make a dreadful noise,

But the dog’s not going to maim him.

The lead is on the door handle,

His collar under the stairs.

I wouldn’t mention W-A-L-K

Or he’ll knock you off your chairs.

He needs walked once a day,

I usually take him to the wood.

You can let him off his lead,

But he may be gone for good.

He’s a very good scent hound,

No stone left unexplored.

Before I forget to mention

Poo bags are in the sideboard.

Don’t tear your hair out!

I’m sure he’ll behave.

If not, I recommend the rum,

It’s beside the microwave.

 

 

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Clouds In My Coffee

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